the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
