ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dick very happy bro
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
