I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
