I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
