I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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