Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
