Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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