if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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