I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
