I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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