four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
