i just had sex bonerless
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
