I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize