She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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