fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
