I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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