if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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