bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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