we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
