its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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