Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
