I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
