Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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