Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize