Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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