he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you never un-have a 4some
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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