The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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