Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
