he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
