just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
