Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
