My balls are so social today.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just want to make out with him forever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
