This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
