Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
