You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
only you would photoshop your dick
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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