I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i out mim tonsoeep
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