i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
