I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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