I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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