omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
