SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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