textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
