I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
