there was a trapeze. enough said
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
