I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
