Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
