kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
