You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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