You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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