I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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