i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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