doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
