Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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