Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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