i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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