He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
