im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
