wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
