Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
