Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
