he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
