i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
