2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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