Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
