Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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