why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
