As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
