So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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