ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
