Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize