You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
