I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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