Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
