Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize